I don't know what to say.

I don't have friends. At least I don't feel like it.

I just wanted to take a trip. To experience something incredible, and they all said no. They chose other people over me, they were "too busy," not allowed, or they simply were not in the mood. I hate myself. What the hell did I do to be so undesirable? I'm too loud. Too bodacious. I need to change. I need to change fast. I hate you Ann. I hate you. You're stupid and a bad friend. I just want to run away. I talk too much, and there aren't any layers to me. I'm unintelligent and fake. Is this really worth all the pain? I just want to sing right now.

Maybe I just wasn't meant to go. But, that's not the issue or what hurts. Well, Aunt Eller, here we go. Time to work my hardest and do what I love. I will become Aunt Eller. I will be on stage. I will sing my heart out and feel the ringing in my mouth. But it looks like I'll have to do it alone. I'm obviously the only person I can depend on, and I can't stand myself right now. I need space from myself. Thank God I get to be someone else for the next 4 months. It'll be better that way anyways. I'm alone. I'm sitting here all alone. Crying. My parents don't understand. They never will. I don't want to come here tomorrow, and I don't want to sleep at a friends'. I just want to go home. But I don't have one anymore. There is no asylum for my pain.

I want to relate to an adult. I want to really relate to one. I want someone to give me directions. I want a place to call home. I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go home. Please Daddy, will you come pick me up? Daddy, I miss you so much. I miss you. I miss being your little girl. I wish I still let you protect me. Ah... I can't breath. Everything hurts inside Daddy. You're in the next room and all I want to do is cry to you. But mommy's home and she won't let me talk to you anymore. I only want to talk to you. You're the only one who won't judge me, leave me, hate me, or bail on me. I want to hide you in my suitcase when I leave. I'm worried. Really worried for next year. I need your support.

Fuck this. I don't know what to say. I'm being a drama queen. But, it's because I feel neglected. I give up.