How do I explain this?

Vulnerability soothes me. When someone opens up to me it reassures me that my bond with them continues strong. I'm afraid to reciprocate it though. I don't know what to say or how to say what I want to say badly. There is a gap between how I really feel and how I think I feel. This creates chaos within my mind. I think I'm stable and I want to be happy, but am I? I don't really know anymore.

Why don't you call me? Maybe then we'd talk some more. I'm tired of being ignored. I'm tired of calling without being called back. I hate it and I did nothing to deserve it. It really fucking hurts actually.

I'm really disappointed. I have a paragraph for a solo in the musical. All I wanted to do was sing. I mean I am going to do all of the other numbers. Basically, I'm going to carry the chorus again, and I guess it'll be good for me and show my skill more. But for some reason I'm not satisfied.

I wish it were me. I wish I just had it. But, I've had to work on it for months on end and I'm still reaching for the place I want to be. I'm so far away.

Boys. Fuck you boys. I want a man, a big man with a heart made of silk; the perfect fabric. I'm a woman now and I feel my maternal instinct maturing and growing. I want to fall into a crack in the earth and fall into the sky waiting for me on the other side. I want the clouds to catch me and make me feel light; so light I'll finally be full. Emptiness weighs us down. I want it to rain so hard I'll be soaked in seconds.

God I'm going to miss driving. It's the only thing I can imagine missing at this point. But, I will really miss it. I can feel it. Driving with all the windows rolled down while listening to blasting music on a perfect spring day won't be the same on the east coast. But I guess there needs to be some sort of exchange.

Walla. I need to study for AP Gov.