I don't want to be in debt...

Nothing has changed.

I feel just as lonely as I did last weekend.

Today was supposed to be great. I had an incredible audition. Everything just felt right, you know? But, tonight both of you ruined it. You're not supposed to.

Why do you lie to me? I'm not blind anymore.
Why do you pretend to support me in front of other people? I'm not oblivious to what you're trying to do.

That's what kills me. You just, you have these "normal" qualities sometimes, but you're simply not normal. I wish you were. I wish I wasn't embarrassed to take you with me places. I wish I was proud to call you mommy, and I wish I was able to say I look up to you. I wish I could call you my best friend.

Daddy, you don't know me anymore. I love you so much. But I can't be here anymore. I'm so worn out. I just can't deal with the pain or the tension anymore.

I'm the only daughter and the only grandchild, and I can't have the one thing I feel I was born worth deserving; a future. No one is willing to contribute to me going to college, no one. Because all of you are selfish, arrogant people. You've forgotten how fragile and hungry youth is. I'm starving. I'm being constrained.

I don't want to come out of college owing thousands of dollars simply because I wanted to learn and grow as a person.

Grandma, please help me.
Please.
Please.
Please.
Please.
I worked so hard. Please don't let all my hard work waste away. Fuck, I'm the only one that can make any of this happen.

I want to do something big. I want to be someone big. I want to be someone worth remembering. I want to be a better person. I need to find happiness.

Or else, I may not exist for much longer.

There's no one to call.
I'm so scared.
I don't want to scare anyone away.

I'm so scared of losing anyone else.
I'm locking up.
I literally have nothing left to say.

I just want my best friend back.
I don't have anyone to turn to.
I'm so alone.
I'm so empty.
Oh God.
Why do I feel this way?
Why am I so disappointed?

My only escape is the stage.
I need to be there.
I need to sing.

I wish I was prettier.
I'm tired of feeling guilty each time I eat.
Why can't I be skinny already?

I'm sticking to being vegetarian.
I like feeling like I have control over my body.

I wish I had more control over the way I live my life.