Time

This is not good. I'm feeling it again.

Stop.
Stop.
Stop it now.

I don't want to like you in particular. You just seem to be the most recent. I feel so unworthy. So unworthy of love. What did I do? Did I push the wrong one away? Why can't I be content with the people in my life? I love my best friends. I love them so much, but yet they are simply not enough. Why? What happens when I do find the one? Will he be enough? What if he isn't? I'd never cheat, but.... what if inside I feel unsatisfied? What if I settle for less than i'm worth? What if I make the wrong decision? What if I fuck up? God i'm so scared. Of my future? I'm not so sure. I wish I could make sense of it all. Damn. It's cold in here.

What is time anyway? How can we presume to know how to measure it? Time must be the main component to man's saneness. It's how we measure our days, it's how we measure our lives. Each day we count down for the next appointment, the next form of entertainment, and before we know it it's gone. Time is impermanent and yet the most relevant concept in our lives. We don't remember our infancy because at that age we could not grasp the concept of time and maybe that was the only time we actually lived in each moment rather than constantly leaping to the next; in the in-between. I do it everyday. I'm doing it right now. I can't wait to leave for college... but then what? What won't I be able to "wait" for next? Broadway? Hah. I'm no where good enough. But, we'll see.