I deserve better.

Why is this so difficult for me? It shouldn't be. You're just a boy. A boy pretending to be a man. I'm worth more than these games. I'm worth more than a simple "how are you" without sincerity. And you can't even give me that. Do me a favor and take a step back and see that the world does not revolve around you. All of you. Can all of you do that for me?

I am a good person. I am a good person. I am a good person. I am a good person. I have a soul. I have a soul. I have a good heart. I have good intentions. I am better than this. I am smart. I am driven. I am terrified. I need to get away. I need to breath. I need to escape. I need to run away. I need to never come back. I wish I never hurt anyone. I wish I could satisfy everyone. I wish I was nicer. I wish I cared more. I wish I stood up for myself all those times I chose to give in. I wish I wasn't so weak. I wish i wasn't so dead inside. I am a giver. I will always be a giver. I deserve better. I want to love. I want to sing. I want to perform. I want to succeed. I want to be loved. I want to be happy.

Best friend,
Could you tell me all these things? Could you tell me that I can do this? Could you? I'm hurting so much inside. It won't stop. It just keeps getting worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so disappointed with myself. All the time. Even at camp... Me and one other person put on three shows on top of running activities and I don't feel I deserve an inch of gratitude. I fake that I do. No one cares to ask. So, i don't tell. I feel weird telling. I just want someone to talk to. Someone who'll want to listen. I think there's something wrong. Every single day I relapse into this pain. It's smothering me. Why is everything so painful? WHY?!?!?!?! Could someone explain why?? Ahhhhh... I'm sinking again. Someone grab my hand before it's too late. Please. Someone hold me. Someone please tell me it'll be ok. I deserve better than this. I do. Say it again. Please.