The day before pesach dinner..

"it's sad when people you know become people you knew, when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life, how you used to be able to talk for hours, but now all they are to you, is another person in the world."

This quote is the epitome of our friendship. We were inseparable. We did speak for hours and hours at a time. I miss you so much. I want you in my life. I wanted to call you so badly today. So, i texted you. Hoping it would be enough for you to call me. But, as expected, it turned into a casual conversation where you don't reply after me asking what you're up to. I feel so selfish. So rude. So hated. I need you so badly right now. I feel so alone. I want to be alone, but i'm not strong enough. I need someone. I want more than anything for you to be that someone. I feel so disconnected. From everyone. So controlled, by everyone. I just want to live. I want to live my life my way. They don't see that. They don't see that through me living doesn't mean i won't still be there. To come back an visit. I want to live so i can give them and my future family, what they were never able to give me. I hope you understand. That's what i wanted to tell you. Next time, won't you look at me when we pass each other?