Fuck.

Stop it Ann.

Don't over analyze it.

I'm sure they miss you too.

I really miss them though.... and i'm afraid to say it... I'm afraid of letting them know that I've lost almost all of my trust for them. That I feel so stupid all the time for caring so much for them. That I really just want to cease existing.

I hate myself so much. Why does everyone leave? Why can't one person remain constant in my life? Why do I feel so distant from every person I call my best friend. No one takes me seriously anymore. I can't stand it.

I have feelings. I feel sooooo much pain. I feel. I feel. I can't stop feeling. Ahhh. Everything is pulsating. It hurts.

I've tried. I tried. I really did. I wish it was enough.

You're dead to me. It literally feels like you've dropped out of my life. I can't and won't be able to communicate with you anymore. There's nothing left that worth saying. I want to say I'll always be here for you but I doubt you'll ever call if you need help.

Why?
Did I run out of advice?
Did I forget to listen?

Ann, you did nothing wrong. It's not you.

I feel like you're lying to me to make things appear okay.
I'm lying to myself.


Some things do go left unsaid. I should know that.
They settle deep inside your gut and they rip you to shreds.

I really miss you.
I really just want to spend one night with you.
Just me and you.
And I want is you to ask me for once.

Rejection hurts when it occurs over and over again.

I'm tired of pitiful eyes. If you only have school and homework to talk to me about then please just don't bother.


I need you.
I'm so scared of next year.
Dickinson? Muhlenberg?
I don't see myself anywhere.
I haven't been able to see myself here for a long time.
I am emotionally homeless.
I can't seem to find one place to feel safe being completely vulnerable.